He is my brother and not God’s special child…

As the boy grows up his questions and doubts about his special brother increases. Since Siddhu is too small to understand autism, I haven’t mentioned anything about it so far. Like any other mom, I characterized Sivaa as God’s special child. But you know the children nowadays keeps on questioning us until they get a clear understanding of how, why, what and when.

One morning Siddhu came up with a very valid apprehension as to what makes his brother special and how he is God’s special child.I was finding it difficult to convince him with any concrete answer. When I exaggerated about how his brother swims and the stories related to it, he replied that it’s because Chettan loves swimming Amma and there’s nothing special in that. And when I told him about how his brother learned skating, he paused me and said.. Amma I know very well how my poor brother struggled to learn that, don’t make it special. He also added a question as to how his brothers struggles be categorized as abilities . I was speechless. Yes…. he was true. I slowly realized that he isn’t my little Siddhu who believes every fantasy stories that I read to him. So I didn’t dare to mention anything about his other skills or learnings

He continued as I understood that he wanted to pour down his intuitions.. There’s nothing special about chettan. He is just an ordinary boy like me. I interfered and asked him whether he envy or feel little jealous towards his brother. He jumped up from the seat and showed an angry disapproving face.He said.. I’m trying to tell you that Sivaa Chettan is my brother and not anyone else brother and Chettan is your child Amma and not God’s special child. He is one among us and not an alien. He is just a slow learner, also he is very hardworking, innocent and intelligent boy like the one in the story you told me the other day. Sorry Siddhu… I don’t remember that Story. Hearing that he got really disappointed with my attitude and went away. Between its so nice to see him getting angry. It’s so heartening to see him raise his voice for Justice to his brother.

I think Siddhu has a very valid point here. When you characterize a neuro divergent as a special child, we tend to pause and start searching for experts to deal with them. We spend most of our time searching for expert opinion forgetting that we are their experts. This pandemic period helped me to understand more about him and was able to spend quality time together. Now I feel I’m in the seventh heaven when Sivaa calls me Amma often.

P.S Every child is unique, special and is God’s gift. And the magic to mould them to a beautiful creation rests with the Mother. So don’t delegate that power to someone else.

Regards

Preetha Anoop Menon

How each member of the family play an important role in raising a special needs child.

This blog is specifically written to ensure the importance of each member of our family in upbringing Sivaa. A few weeks back I remember how Anoop got little irked when everyone gave that little attention to me when Sivaa started skating on his own. He was the one who worked with Sivaa. He did a lot of tricks to make him get the balance. It was a tiresome process for both of them. Apart from all that I feel it’s the consistent practice that made all the difference. Whenever Anoop was out of town, I used to be his coach. When Sivaa got balance and was doing it himself, we planned a schedule accordingly. All these years we worked on something or the other but Sivaa wasn’t ready to cooperate.

But as we moved on to our new mission of making Sivaa balance cycling from last Saturday, Little Siddhu wants to pedal the same time. I scolded Siddhu for pedalling ahead of Sivaa out of my fear that Sivaa might loose balance and fall down. For Sivaa if he looses confidence in some thing, it’s very difficult to bring him back to initial stage. Siddhu got upset very soon and he stopped pedalling and went inside. I was so engrossed in Sivaas pedalling that I didn’t bother to it. After some time I saw him doing skating. Siddhu did skating for sometime and got himself ready for the online classes.

After the online class he came and sat near me, as I explained a few Ramayana stories to him. While explaining the story behind Ravanas ten heads, he immediately asked me something which was not related to the subject. He asked me as to why did I scold him? He didn’t let me answer…he continued… Do you know how chettan learned skating? Do you know how he learned the tricks so soon? He was getting very emotional in between but he continued … Seeing me doing he learned.. I used to skate ahead of him and show him the tricks. I was planning to do the same today. But you didn’t allow me.

That was actually true. When we started skating for Sivaa, we started for Siddhu too. Even though Siddhu learned soon, he used to practice during the same time. I remember how Sivaa would start crying when siddhu finishes his rounds and get inside. Realizing my mistake, I apologized to Siddhu and promised him that next day onwards they will be cycling together.

I know Siddhu plays a very important role in everything that Sivaa does. There bonding as of now is beyond explanation. Siddhu is always the best advocate for Sivaa. Even though sivaa breaks all his toys and some of which we never could replace, Siddhu forgets as soon as Sivaa says sorry. And Sivaa uses that word only with Siddhu. And even while doing paintings too I have seen Sivaa having a look at siddhus work. He doesn’t cooperate well if Siddhu is not there. And Siddhu became every happy when I told about his role in making Sivaa paint as well.

And thus we moved on to the squirrel story from Ramayana which highlight the significance of a small animal in building up the bridge across the river.

Apart from all our little efforts, willingness of Sivaa leaving aside all his deficits to join our hands make us feel the existence of almighty in healing process.

No one is supreme. No one is less.

Stay home, stay safe

Regards

Preetha Anoop Menon