That stage of acceptance.

Like any other Parent, to reach this level was quite difficult for me. Long back, when Sivaa was two years, his playschool teacher had warned me, seeing some features of asd in him. But I stopped sending Sivaa to that school.Then when my own father told me that he has some problem, I stopped talking to my father for a while. When Anoop consulted with a Paed, some of his apprehensions about Sivaa, I fought with him literally. When the whole state was enlightened with autism, by seeing Sukesh Kuttan and star singer. I remember switching off the TV, whenever the channel boosts his program in between other programs. That time my comfort zone was with my mother in law because she kept reminding me that there’s nothing wrong about him.

At that time my only apprehension about him was his speech delay. We thought to consult him to a speech therapist. When she also doubted some asd features in him saying she is also mother to a special child, l remember scolding her for comparing my child with her child. My denial for acceptance had led me to a state of withdrawal from everything and everyone. I started holding Sivaa to myself. I never took him outside. Slowly I was moving to a stage of depression. But I remember the only positive thing I did that time was I continued going to temples and was chanting Sahasranamas. And also Anoop was consistently taking him outside after his office hours. During morning hours Sivaa was also going to another play school where they didn’t doubt anything special about him.

After a month or so my brother came down to Kochi and he took all of us to Amrita Hospital where Sivaa was finally diagnosed. I remember fainting myself in front of the doctor but he instilled hope in me saying…he is trainable. But by that time knowingly or unknowingly Sivaa was toilet trained and was manageable Outside because his father had mastered him in something called Natural Environment therapy(NET). For me I had struggled only with denial for acceptance. Once I reached that stage of acceptance I have never allowed his diagnosis as hurdles to my way of parenting. But still there was a cry for help as I had posted in one of my blogs. But it didn’t last for so long. As a women and as a mother I had become stronger by that time…i don’t know how…maybe the power of Sahasranamas. I began to find my way of teaching him when others fail. I remember teaching him the concept of ‘wait’ in restaurants by asking him to sip water. And also teaching him to put his hands inside pockets while walking between people to avoid unnecessary pokes and touches. I remember teaching him to come back to his seat, when he is outside and he wants to run or walk for some time.

Now I have accepted and understood that it’s just a different way of parenting and at no point regret about my life connecting with autism. And I strongly believe that they understand everyone and even every actions we do. It’s just that they are not able to communicate back to us like the way we thinks.

And now if you ask me about my strongest desire for the present moment, I would say that it’s a device to understand the thought process happening inside my child’s brain because my son is eagerly searching for a word in Avaz which I have not yet uploaded in it.

The positive mantras that I strongly believe and which keeps me going are we should Never ever give up ..And also when the whole world says give up, it’s hope that whispers to us let’s try one more time. So Never lose hope.

Also uploaded a video of him skating.

Regards

Preetha Anoop Menon

2 thoughts on “That stage of acceptance.

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